Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Ballad Against Teen Pregnancy

Go Masturbate, Go Masturbate
Teenage fathers ain't so great
Saving the world, negative one by one
Havin' a good time, just for one
So go masturbate, Go masturbate
It's never too early, it's never too late!

After four beers, through the bottom of a glass
That plumber's butt looks like a nice ass
If makin' it with Billy-Bob is startin' to look grand
Put down the drink, honey, I'll introduce you to your hand
And then Masturbate, go masturbate
You really don't want to be his jailbait

Leave the dancefloor and walk into the bath
Get your own rocks off, just do the math
Is she the gal? If not, it's short:
Your choices are abortion or child support.
Is she the one to share your life?
With your baby dependents, to be your ex-wife?
At age 15, it's a very slim chance
That you can know this after just one dance
So go masturbate, go masturbate
Make these decisions when you're 28.

The bathroom is empty. It'll take just a sec.
So love yourself, don't get in a wreck.
The human body was made for fun,
So go on sugar, have yourself some.
And Masturbate, yes, masturbate
It'll clear your head when you are out late
When you are out partyin' with Jose or Nate
Don't worry about it, no need to debate
Just masturbate, just masturbate
Don't need an appointment, don't need a date.

It'll make your choices so much easier
Would John, Hank or Rasheed be a better pleaser?
The answer is you, you know you the best
Guarantee your return, don't wind up with less
And Masturbate, Yes Masturbate
Don't settle for sex that's second rate

Those teenage boys are known for speed
Out and in, in and out, no time to breath
Take it upon yourself, don't waste a tally
On somebody's belt, in some back alley
Just whip out the Astro, and lube up your fingers
Your needs will be met, no need to linger
Please masturbate, please masturbate
Get your own thrills, It's not too late

Save yourslf a baby, the guilt and a rash
Step out a minute, in the middle of class
There's nothing the matter with pleasing yourself
It's really your job and nobody else
So Masturbate, Go masturbate
Now's not the time to procreate

Kill three birds with just one stone
Get more pleasure, by yourself, alone
Gives you time to see the world at ease
You can be your own friend with bennies!
So go masturbate, go masturbate
Yes masturbate, please masturbate!

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